i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize