Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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