you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
