it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
