the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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