k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
