So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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