so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
