Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
