bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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