i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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