She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
