Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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