I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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