Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize