Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
