I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
vagina is talking i cant
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
