I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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