last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the day after is always just damage control
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize