Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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