Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
