what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at about main and main street
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
