I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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