Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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