I wannas sexs uuuuu
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize