Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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