I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize