You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
