Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You smell like a Billy Joel song
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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