I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I believe in your delicious
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
