now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
