hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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