my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
