the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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