Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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