STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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