Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
