It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
