I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
