About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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