I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
