Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
