I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
