i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
