I am in a vortex of obligation.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
