How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize