If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
