It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
