How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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