I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
