The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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