So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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