I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
