question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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