Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude. I can hear the air.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
