I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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