sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
