i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
