how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
