dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
