"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
