why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
