only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
