I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
