oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize