yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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